A Little Bit of Venting

[Me]

Yeah, sorry guys but I'm just here to vent a bit. I don't want you guys to know who I am -- sorry. I wish I could just post away freely with my username but I can't. Anyway;

I'm at this point in my life where I just hate everything and everyone. I don't know why. Suddenly, all I can think about is if I should just suddenly run out the door and run away from it all. Feelings are popping in and out -- they are mixing and I can't differentciate between them all. I'm also scared of what happened me. A few months ago I thought things differently. I'm still the same person.., I think. I hope. Grrr.. I don't know! I get so fed up with people so easy now too. I don't intentially try to hurt them, I don't even tell them if I'm aggrivated with them or not. I'm also so sick of being stepped on. I do tons of things and get nothing in return or they don't even aknowledge what I did. Whatever. I do well in school -- I show my mom the report card of all A's and what does she say? "Good job. Keep it up." That phrase gets you a bit peeved if you have heard it since you started the 1st grade.

And seriously, who the heck does she think she is?! She cannot tell me what to do! She is my biological mother, but I don't think of her that way! I have lived with her for 8 years and she doesn't even know I don't like tomatoes. I mean; come on! Then, she goes and seperates me from the person that really does care for me. She lied to the person that cares for me and also hurt him/her. She thinks that by being there a few hours a day and cooking me food makes up for the years of not being there. It doesn't. My aunt and grandma were the ones that took care of me when I was little. They took care of me and loved me. They were there when I was frequently and constantly sick every week. Where was my mother? Oh, yeah! In another continent hurting her/him.

And yep! I do cut. I'm not proud of it but it's how I get by. I stopped for a long while .. but then, suddenly it started again. They know -- they have seen the scars. Hey, they aren't hard to miss! They don't ask me if I'm okay -- they just ask where I got them. Of course, I lie -- but they know. They just act stupid. You're probably thinking I should give them another chance. I'm tired of doing that. I can forgive so easily and I have done it so many times -- I don't think I can do it again. My friends are the ones that really do care. They are great. I love 'em to death. So, I guess if I do run away --which is a thought that crosses my head quick commonly-- I would be safe with one of them. Though, their lifes are too perfect. They don't seem to have any type of real problem! Perfect house, perfect grades, perfect parents. ((sigh)) Though, I'm totally happy for them. I'm glad that they aren't going through the hell I'm going and have been going through my entire life.


Anyway;-- I bet not a lot of people read this. If you did, well, you have tons of patience and are amussed quite easily. That, or you have a great heart and is an incredible friend. Thank you.

Okay, I'm done for tonight. Sorry for borring you! Just had to take some of it off my chest there.

[Rafael]

Hello
hmm.. don't know what to say or at least here, cause I usually send a PM to the person.
I'm so sorry to hear about your situation
I don't think running away is the answer. You should talk to someone, maybe one of your close friends.
hmmm... if you could pm me (you can truly trust me), I can give you tips on how you can reduce the urge of cutting and find other ways to deal with stress and stuff.

[littleholly]

Ok first of all i find this anything but amusing i truly am concerned, i dont know if i know you, only that ur a member here, u mite not want my opinion but here it is anyway (sry)
im really really sorry for everything that is happened to you, i understand that you must be in a really bad place right now and i wish i cud help you, there are things i dont enjoy talking about but i will becuase i dont want any1 else to hurt the way i have.

i have grown up with my mum and stepdad (tho they arnt married) i love my mum but there are things that have happened i can never forgive. My mum stopped me from seeing my dad until i was 9, she had me convinced he was horrible. Then by chance i got lost from my friends and this man who i knew was my dad, helped me, he broke down in front of me and told me how much he loved me, 5 yrs on we are really close, but i can never forgive me mum, especially for hurtin him and all of the court cases. Last Year, me and my mum had our biggest arguement about, you guessed it, my dad. wen i refused to stop seeing him, she kicked me out, since then she has asked me back but i will never go back, i now live with my nan and grandad, tho i love my mum and we speak, she has to realise how hard it will be for me to forgive her.

i dont really want many people to see this, but i want to help and that is why i have told you. maybe living with sum1 else wud help you, ur family or friends, but dont give up on ur mum wats important is that she is here now, just like my dad, you may not be able to 4give her but at least let her be apart of your life, the solution is not cutting yourself, believe me ive been there and tho u think it helps, it only adds to your pain, tho she may not say it like she shud, ur mum probably does care about you, just sumtimes, like me, ur realtionship may be better if u r not forced to live with each other. I dont know if my telling u this has helped, but you are always welcome to PM me.

remember one thing, you only have one chance at life, dont let anyone hurt you, but dont hurt yourself or others and be happy, trust me it will happen. i now have ppl who love me and the best boyfriend i cud hope for we have been together to years. im only 14 so im not telling you this as an adult, but as a friend

be happy, Sophie xx (sry if i to have bored any1}

[HollyHolic]

Wow. For a second there I thought maybe I wrote this and can't remember doing it. But let me tell ya, you're not alone. I use to cut, but recently I was admitted to a hospital for my self-mutilation, I've been out for 2 weeks, and I learned a very hard lesson, there are a lot of teenagers out there who do this. Another thing I had to learn was that cutting and running is not the answer. I know cutting is addictive. Before now I tried countless times to stop, but a knife always found its way into my hands. It's like taking drugs. I know that running seems like the best way out right now, but it's not. I know it's hard to believe someone, anyone who tells you this, but believe me, it's not the answer. It landed me into a hospital and that's some place I don't ever, ever want to go again. I still go through hell every single day with my mom and my dad and my step mom, but I just have to believe that I can get through this. My counselor told me that I'm going to have to deal with everything on my own, that my parents aren't willing to help me deal with my issues. And that is so hard for me to deal with. Knowing that I can't turn to my parents for help. Every day is a struggle for me, but I've found my way out, and it's in a teacher that goes to my school. If you could just find someone to talk to, someone you really, really trust, then you should tell them everything. I told this teacher that if I went home, I wouldn't come back. I am so greatful that I have her because if it weren't for her, I wouldn't be here today. I'd be 6 feet under. I still think about cutting and I don't think there will be a day that goes by that I won't consider it, but I know there are other outs. And I know you'll find it someday. It took me two years of pain before I found this teacher and she's only been in my life for 4 months. Just don't give up. I know right now there's no light, but if you hold on and look at it as taking it a day at a time, then you can make it. Don't run, don't kill yourself, and if you have to cut, make it to where it's not deep. But it will get better someday. I still haven't found the light, but I've seen it and I'm ready for it. I know this all sounds very, very cheesy, but it's the truth. I hope I've helped. You can PM me anytime. I can keep secrets...I'll pray for you.

[Me again]

Hi guys. I'm glad to see I'm not alone with all the hurting. Well, I know that there are hundreds of other people that are in just as much pain as I am. Many, even more. I know, and I know I shouldn't be feeling sorry for myself -- but I can't help it! You know? It's been so long. I never have and after years of just keeping it all inside and helping other people -- it just feels like it's my turn for just a bit.

And at this moment if you would have told me what you have been through I would be telling you how sorry I am about what happened to you guys. (since you don't know who I am, and I would like to keep it that way till further notice, I'll have to hold myself back)

If I ever feel really depressed I'll post here. You guys are trully great. Thanks Rafael, Sophie, and Ang.

[Rafael]

Your Welcome
I'm always here to help

[littleholly]

Your Welcome, im not sure how I helped, im just glad i did, good luck and let us no how things go xx

[HollyHolic]

No, I know exactly what you mean. And feeling sorry for yourself is completely natural and don't be sorry about feeling sorry for yourself. You're welcome. I'm here if you need me.

[~Liz~]

I know I'm a bit late, but still. I know how it feels. I have been through some hard years in my life these last few years. I have been dieing to try to kill myself. I never did. See my brother had been using and in and out of treatment centers. Then he was in jail a couple of times. After that happened I wanted to die. Now recently he went to jail, but he's in treatment now. The only thing that sucks right now is that life sucks. Sometimes I still feel that if I were to just die that no one would care, but then I remember all the good things in my life. Freinds mainly, and I stop.

Still I hope that you will get much better. Don't be afraid to IM me as well, I can help pretty easily. By the way I'm Liz.

[Rafael]

Hey person, If you are out there
can you tell us how are you? and if you're feeling better?. Hope you are ok

[~Liz~]

Yes, please do.

[Rafael]

Rafael said:

Hey person, If you are out there
can you tell us how are you? and if you're feeling better?. Hope you are ok

hmmm...

[Me]

Rafael said:

Hey person, If you are out there
can you tell us how are you? and if you're feeling better?. Hope you are ok

I'm OK. Don't worry too much Rafael. I'm okay at the moment.

[Rafael]

Even though I don't know who you are... or maybe I do
I pray for you everyday and hope that everything turns out ok

You can PM me anytime

[littleholly]

there are alot of people here who want to be your friend we are all here for you, but theres not much we can do unless we know who you are.....xx